I'm Just a MOM Trying Not to Raise Assholes — Carved Sign

The Mom Trying Not to Raise Assholes Sign — Parenting's Real Mission Statement

Forget the parenting books; the actual job description fits on one board. This carved mom trying not to raise assholes sign states it plainly — I'm Just a MOM Trying Not to Raise Assholes — deep-cut into solid Kentucky wood for every mother fighting the good fight one please-and-thank-you at a time.

Honesty, Carved Permanent

A mission this real doesn't belong on a fading print. Every letter is CNC-carved into solid pine or poplar and hand-stained in one of twenty finishes — from sweet farmhouse white to end-of-my-rope walnut. A raising assholes sign this well-made sends its own message: standards exist in this house, starting with the decor.

Where the Mission Posts

• Kitchen — command central for the whole operation
• Laundry room — where the evidence gets processed
• Hallway by the kids' rooms — messaging at the source
• Her desk or coffee corner — a daily solidarity nod

The Specs

• Solid locally-sourced pine or poplar — never MDF
• Three sizes: Small 16" x 3.5", Classic 24" x 5.5", Bold 30" x 7.5"
• 20 hand-applied stain and paint finishes
• CNC-carved lettering — never printed, never vinyl
• Sawtooth hanger pre-installed; handmade in Kentucky, free U.S. shipping

The Mom Gift That Says You See Her

Mother's Day, birthdays, baby showers for the realist, the group-chat friend narrating the same war — this is the funny parenting decor that makes every mom point and laugh because it's the truest thing on the wall. Three carved sizes, twenty hand-applied finishes, free U.S. shipping with the sawtooth hanger pre-installed. Pair it with our other funny mom signs and give the whole battle its banners.

Not quite the right words? The Cooking Sign says “I Will Cut You” instead.