Funny No Trespassing Sign — Trespassers Offered Bourbon

Hospitality And A Warning, In That Order

A funny no trespassing sign that gets the sequence right. Trespassers will be offered bourbon — then shot. Two kinds of shot, and the reader works out which one is meant somewhere around the second line. It is the most Kentucky way there is to say come on up the drive.

Cut Into the Wood, Not Printed On It

The letters are CNC-carved down through the stain into raw pine, so what you are reading is actual depth, not ink. Run a thumb across it. That pale-against-dark contrast is why it still reads across a dim room, and why it will not chip, peel, fade or bubble the way printed decor does by year two.

Where It Ends Up

• Front porch — first thing anyone reads
• Gate or fence post — at the end of the drive
• Cabin or camp — where the rules are informal
• Home bar — the follow-through on the promise

The Specs

• Solid locally-sourced pine or poplar from an Amish mill — never MDF
• Three sizes: Small 16" x 3.5", Medium 24" x 5.5", Large 30" x 7.25"
• 20 hand-applied stain and paint finishes
• CNC-carved lettering — never printed, never vinyl, never a decal
• Sawtooth hanger pre-installed; handmade in Kentucky, free U.S. shipping

For The Property With A Sense Of Humor

Housewarmings, cabin gifts, land-buying celebrations, or anyone whose driveway is long enough to need a sign. Barn red with pale carved letters reads from the road. Ships free in the U.S.