{"product_id":"funny-security-sign-it-s-loud-it-s-loaded-answers-to-honey","title":"Funny Security Sign — It's Loud, It's Loaded, Answers To Honey","description":"\u003ch2\u003eThe Security System Every Country House Already Has\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003eA carved funny security sign that gets the joke landed in three lines. Home protected by a security system — it's loud, it's loaded, and it answers to Honey. Every household knows exactly who Honey is, and it is never the one who bought the sign.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eCut Into the Wood, Not Printed On It\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe letters are CNC-carved down through the stain into raw pine, so what you are reading is actual depth, not ink. Run a thumb across it. That pale-against-dark contrast is why it still reads across a dim room, and why it will not chip, peel, fade or bubble the way printed decor does by year two.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhere It Ends Up\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFront porch\u003c\/strong\u003e — beside the door, fair warning given\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eEntryway\u003c\/strong\u003e — read on the way in\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eGarage or shop\u003c\/strong\u003e — above the bench\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMudroom\u003c\/strong\u003e — over the hooks\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eThe Specs\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSolid locally-sourced pine or poplar from an Amish mill — never MDF\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThree sizes: Small 16\" x 3.5\", Medium 24\" x 5.5\", Large 30\" x 7.25\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e20 hand-applied stain and paint finishes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCNC-carved lettering — never printed, never vinyl, never a decal\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSawtooth hanger pre-installed; handmade in Kentucky, free U.S. shipping\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFor The House With A Honey\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eHousewarmings, anniversaries, anyone whose partner runs the place and knows it. Warm walnut, three carved lines. 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