{"product_id":"beware-halloween-sign-beware-we-have-teenagers","title":"Beware Halloween Sign — Beware, We Have Teenagers","description":"\u003ch2\u003eThe Scariest Thing In This House Is Upstairs\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003eGhosts are fine. Skeletons are fine. A \u003cstrong\u003ebeware sign\u003c\/strong\u003e at Halloween usually promises something supernatural, and this one promises something worse and considerably more real — and they are still asleep at noon.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eCarved Into The Wood, Not Printed On It\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eCut into solid wood with a CNC router, not printed on the surface. The letters have depth you can feel, and a sign that lives on a porch through October weather stays exactly as legible in year five as it was on day one.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhere It Ends Up\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eFront porch\u003c\/strong\u003e — fair warning for the neighborhood\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eKitchen\u003c\/strong\u003e — where the food disappears\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHallway\u003c\/strong\u003e — outside the bedroom in question\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eGarage\u003c\/strong\u003e — by the door they slam on the way out\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eThe Specs\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSolid locally-sourced pine or poplar from an Amish mill — never MDF\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThree sizes: Small 16\" x 3.5\", Medium 24\" x 5.5\", Large 30\" x 7.25\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e20 hand-applied stain and paint finishes\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCNC-carved lettering — never printed, never vinyl, never a decal\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSawtooth hanger pre-installed; handmade in Kentucky, free U.S. shipping\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eEvery Parent Of A Teenager Gets It Instantly\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is the one that gets picked up and laughed at in the booth. Good for a birthday, a Halloween party host, or any parent who has recently been told they do not understand. 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